>A year ago I was writing about my son being bullied. I remember all the things I said to try to help him deal with it. None of it worked, none of it was satisfactory and I knew it all the time…

Well I myself had been bullied before he was born – as an adult in the workplace… it had taken a few years for me to actually realise what was going on. By then my self esteem was so low that I had started to expect it, think I deserved it because I hadn’t challenged it… In fact it wasn’t until I finally left that I fully realised the serious impact it had on my life.

Now how dangerous is that?

I am actually a very strong person, capable and intelligent, funny and personable. I’m old enough to know that; ) What is so strange about the impact of bullying though is that by the time you’ve worked out what is actually going on – you are tied into behaviours that make it very difficult to challenge.

This is true in both work and social situations for adults, where etiquette, power relationships and such bollocks mean that initially you try to pass off/gloss over/forgive what may appear to be rudeness.

It doesn’t help if you actually care about people and understand why they may be bullying you. If you constantly make allowances because they have had a hard time, have issues etc. you make small allowances. each small allowance seems to be a signal…

“yes next time be even ruder, disempower me totallly. i am not important enough to have an opinion of value.”

Despite having been through this before myself. Despite trying to help my own son having to deal with it every day. I still allow people to do this to me.

I am so annoyed at myself today… and so upset that I can barely speak.

I am so NOT going to let this continue…
I have actually had enough….

this is the person you are hurting…
scary norma

still at least I have great inspiration now for the utataspeaks project

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